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Anusha Rahman. Oh Anusha Rahman.

August 5, 2013

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Dear Ms. Rahman,

Please don’t confuse this for an open letter. Open letters are dumb and are meant for the consumption of anyone who really wants to read it. No. This letter is dedicated to you solely and to try and explain the intricacies of the network of tubes that we affectionately like to call the interwebs.

You see Ms. Rahman, as Minister of IT (or Minister of State of IT because one would presume that you would learn on-the-job prior to being promoted to a full Ministerial position where you could wreak even greater havoc) your job is to formulate policy regarding the new and wonderful ways in which technology is revolutionizing the world. Unfortunately it seems you took a wrong turn going to church (or the mosque, whatever) and thought that as Minister of IT your sole responsibility was to morally crusade on my god given right to look at dog videos on YouTube (because screw cat videos – cats are demons. My maulvi taught me. Perhaps yours did too Ms. Rahman. Or maybe yours was really into the whole dogs are paleed thing. Diff’rent strokes, diff’rent folks.) and freely download enough pornography to crash my ISP’s server.

Here’s a step by step guide to how the internet works:

1. Person A has a computer

2. There is a magical cloud or a series of tubes or a network of underwater cables or who the fuck cares through which Person A transmits information to some other person.

3. There are these things called websites. Person A might use a website to send something the other person or to post something on it. Much as I’m using this website to send this letter to you. I really ought to have used snail mail though; seems more up your technological alley. (Should there be a Ministerial reshuffle [and knowing our history there certainly will be one] angle for the Post Master General spot. You could threaten long term bans on manila envelopes.)

4. Now here’s the real kicker: Person A can post anything he wants. That’s right. ANYTHING. And that anything might be a hilarious dog video, or a cat video (highly objectionable to me – look into banning those maybe.)

So when you, Ms. Rahman, say that YouTube will not be unblocked until the ENTIRE BLOODY INTERNET is rid of the scourge of whatever offends your moral (or your government’s, or the TTP’s, or whoever’s bidding it is that we do these days) all you really display is a level of ignorance that is unbecoming of someone in your position of power.

While we’re talking can we have a good laugh about the time when you threatened to block Google? Because of our mighty economic clout. Hahahahaha *cling cling cling* (that’s the sound of our teacups returning to their saucers because we don’t want the scalding tea to fall all over us as we laugh ourselves senseless.) Yes, let the company that can buy Pakistan twenty times over feel our wrath. I’m sure they’re shaking in their boots.

So do us all a solid Ms. Rahman and stop talking about YouTube for a while. We know it’s not coming back, because we know no one has the gumption to really do anything about it. All that happens when you bring it up is make people’s blood boil. And seriously, high blood pressure? That shit ain’t good for nobody.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 5, 2013 2:12 pm

    great !

  2. August 5, 2013 3:09 pm

    Wow…. You really dnt get what rest of Pakistan thinks or believes in…. You do realize Islamabad se aagay Pakistan aur bhi hai?

    • August 5, 2013 3:15 pm

      Tau phir Minister of IT kuchh karein jo ke baaqi Pakistan ki bhi madad kar sakay. Ab tak ‘aam awaam’ ke liye kiya kaarnama kiya hai inhon ne?

  3. August 5, 2013 7:14 pm

    Hahaha, love the angst and support it 100%. Paghal hi hai ye bandi.

  4. Saad BP permalink
    August 6, 2013 11:01 am

    You (so called) liberals are on a level of bigotry seldom seen in history. You taunt and mock the authorities for a blanket ban on YouTube but when the government takes steps to bring in a filter that would automatically block objectionable content, you raise havoc on social and mainstream media to stop that move.
    If the esteemed author (who won’t reveal his real name) doesn’t know, if Person A likes a video on YT, he might copy it to his machine (computer) and upload it through the network of tubes to his personal account(not a bank account) on YT. So, URL (address) level blocking is unfeasible and not foolproof. Also, it adds to the latency of your server, which is the time required for it to respond to a request person A made using the tube called the network. It is my God Given Right to have a lag free gaming experience and would like my internet to be with low ping. If you want to watch cat, dog or hamster videos, you can always download HotSpot Shield or any other VPN(which is a software that will allow you to access blocked sites) and watch them.
    Regards

  5. muhammad ali permalink
    January 20, 2015 6:56 pm

    Fixing responsibility for 18th Month negative Progress of Information Technology in Federal Government, Pakistan.

    Ministry of Information Technology is still hiding its 18 months progress and shifting blame to Previous Governments.
    Ministry of Information Technology need to define its vision and resolve issues of formation of Information Technology Policy, Youtube blockage issue, Grey Traffic, promotion of software industry for GDP growth, cyber law and formation of IT Cadre. The Ministry badly failed to progress as it has no vision and lack of capacity to address these issues. Ministry defined its mission on its website as;
    “To create an enabling environment through formulation and implementation of policies (1) and legal framework (2); providing ICT infrastructure (3) for enhancing productivity (4); facilitating good governance (5); improving delivery of public services (6) and contributing towards the overall socio economic growth of the country (7).”

    (1) Ministry has an outdated IT policy (2002) and failed to define one in 18th Months.
    (2) No legal framework till date.
    (3) On ICT infrastructure Ministry is blaming EGD/PCB for providing infrastructure in the past, there is no PSDP projects in the pipeline for provision of infrastructure so far, moreover in 18 months Ministry was only able to make an expenditure of 0.5 million in the head of IT infrastructure in development budget.
    (4) No input no output, nil expenditure for enhancing productivity, nil productivity.
    (5) What is happening under the buzz word Good Governance, IT Minister is not an IT literate, government has appointed an IT State Minister she speaks English well and has no experience of IT or heading any office. Why she has been given IT Ministry is itself a mystery. There is no Secretary IT, Joint Secretary Development and under her all departments’ heads are assigned on additional charges. May be beside her husband there is no qualified person in Pakistan.
    (6) No PSDP project for public delivery improvement in 18 months.
    (7) What is socio economic growth of the country without development budget?

    It seems that the Ministry is headed by non IT professionals and has only plan to enjoy perks. 80% of the employees of the departments of Ministry of IT are petitioners in various cases against Ministry in Islamabad high court. 90% of IT employees are not given salaries for 13 months. No one is accountable for this good governance and incumbent IT State Minister is only busy in media promotion. She is keeping a sixteen member IT team, headed by director IT for her media promotion only.

    The Ministry has to inform the nation what are plans to promote IT in the country or may be after 32 more months, When will it develop IT plan? What is the progress of Member IT and Director IT who are drawing salaries of MP-I and II of Rs. Rs. 350,000 to 450,000/ month from the poor taxpayers’ pockets? What were the TOR for them? Where are the IT Policy and framework and IT cadre. Is the Ministry of IT has adopted IT.

    Ministry’s IT Wing is headed by fake certificates holder Director IT and has given additional charge for IT departments. He managed to amend the TOR of Director IT as he was working as acting charge of Director IT in IT Ministry and managed to grab the position. The TOR was hidden from the public so advertisement published was also illegal can be found at the link http://www.jobinpk.com/director-it-mp-ii-job-ministry-of-it-telecom-28-april-2013/. The details were not available at the link as defined in the advertisement also given below. The experience certificate submitted were fake and is not available in the record of Ministry IT. The incumbent Director IT nor could write or read 4 lines of English and has no prior experience of heading an organization or a higher management position. Who is responsible for this good governance? He works as analyst (BPS.17) in Ministry IT for 5 years, in PTCL as assistant web developer and claimed to have worked in Saudi Arabia as network assistant, which are all entry level positions and having no management experience at all.

    Pakistan must wakeup now and learn from Bangladesh, India and other developing countries to select the right path of e-Governance. Experimentation is like reinventing the wheel again. We are going against the direction, IT is moving in the world. I request you all to raise your voice for the appointment of IT literate Minister, capable IT leaders and strict punishment for fake IT experts.

    Regards,

    Muhammad Ali

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