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Best Cabinet Ever

February 5, 2011

Senior PPP Leader Jehangir Badar has informed the nation that President Zardari has allowed Prime Minister Gillani to dissolve the cabinet. Following this dissolution, I’m assuming (or at least hoping) that we’ll have a new one.

In my capacity as know-nothing nobody I’m going to make some serious recommendations for the various ministerial posts that effectively lie vacant. This will, undoubtedly, be the best cabinet ever.

Interior Minister

Job Description: Sheer incompetence.

Incumbent: Rehman Malik

Replacement: Babar Awan

Rehman Malik, he of the wondrous tie collection, has excelled at doing absolutely nothing, and when he has tried to do something it’s been useless.

Babar Awan, he of the wondrous two-tone beard, has excelled at doing absolute nothing, and when he has tried to do something it’s been useless.


Foreign Minister

Job Description: Fancy accent.

Incumbent: Shah Mehmood Qureshi

Replacement: Firdaus Ashiq Awan.

A fancy accent is a fancy accent. It doesn’t matter if the inflection is Punjabi. That’s still fucking fancy. Besides, Aapa Firdaus has already been involved in some serious Track II diplomacy when she bestowed a crown upon Shoaib Malik during her whirlwind tour of India. She knows what she’s doing.

Should we ever be in a sticky situation with the Americans, she’ll toss Hillary Clinton on the same scrapheap where she threw Kashmala Tariq. In that case the “starting your political career from the bedroom” insult might even be somewhat apt.

Finance Minister

Job Description: Not being taken seriously.

Incumbent: Hafeez Sheikh

Replacement: Imran Khan

Because no one is taken less seriously than Imran Khan.

Information Minister

Job Description: Trying to please everyone.

Incumbent: Qamar Zaman Kaira

Replacement: Aitezaz Ahsan

No one has perfected the art of trying to please everyone quite like Aitezaz as. In the process, pretty much everyone has an issue with him now. Too close to the judiciary. Too close to the government. Too close to the PMLN. Not liberal enough. Too liberal.

Perfect for a job that garners nothing but bile.

Defence Minister

Job Description: Having no power.

Incumbent: Ahmad Mukhtar

Replacement: Anyone.

Does it really matter who Defence Minister is?

Law Minister

Job Description: Being an A-Class Asshole

Incumbent: Babar Awan

Replacement: Ansar Abbasi

The government might finally be able to get in Ansar Abbasi’s good books by offering him a cabinet position. Besides, isn’t he an expert on the law? Just like he’s an expert on Islam, and the constitution, and the economy, and foreign relations, and making up sources? He’d be so great we’d forget all about Babar Awan in two months.

Prime Minister

Job Description: Having a pulse.

Incumbent: Yousuf Raza Gillani

Replacement: Veena Malik

Because we need someone who has the gumption to tell the Mullahs what’s what. As “Mufti Saaaab” rings through our parliament, we’ll finally have someone who instills the fear of God in the religious right. Call them out and they’ll step down. I haven’t seen anyone do it quite like Veena Malik has.

18 Comments leave one →
  1. Shahid permalink
    February 5, 2011 5:01 pm

  2. February 5, 2011 5:25 pm

    bohot aala, love it 😀

  3. Shoaib Mir permalink
    February 5, 2011 5:37 pm

    Not a bad idea:-)

  4. February 5, 2011 5:45 pm

    Lol, bohot aala 😀

  5. February 5, 2011 6:16 pm

    u must join “HAM SB UMEED SE HAIN” lolzzzzz, bohat khoob……….just kidding…

    zabardast sweet kitting of everyone…………………

  6. Asad permalink
    February 5, 2011 6:32 pm

    After one month i had expected a blast…wese not bad.

  7. Saadie permalink
    February 6, 2011 4:22 am

    Bohat hee alaa 😀

  8. H-3 permalink
    February 6, 2011 10:03 am


  9. Anonymous permalink
    February 6, 2011 11:22 am

    wah keya soch pai hai….

  10. February 6, 2011 4:24 pm

    And why the hell are we neglecting Aamir Liaquat Ali and leaving him in the lurch? Too bad 😦

  11. February 7, 2011 12:18 pm

    Veena Malik could prove to be Pakistan’s best president ever.

  12. February 7, 2011 12:19 pm

    *prime minister 😛

  13. Ally permalink
    February 9, 2011 1:59 pm

    Veena gets my vote!

    Mufti sahib yeh kya baat hui?

  14. February 9, 2011 5:16 pm

    lolz, great post I also think Veena will be perfect replacement 😉

  15. February 10, 2011 10:15 pm

    awesomeness 😀

  16. anon permalink
    February 11, 2011 6:48 pm

    and here’s the outcome..

    wish your predictions had come true kalakawa..

    Gillani saab.. yeh kya baat hui.. ek baar kalakawa ki baat sun lete!!

  17. April 28, 2011 4:08 pm

    lol..entertaining! I shall visit often. 🙂

  18. Anas Shafqat permalink
    June 1, 2011 8:42 pm

    hahahah xD awesome!

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