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Paki Leaks

December 9, 2010

I don’t want to say how I got my hands on these. Just read them.

DATE: 2009-01-01

SOURCE: Embassy New Delhi

SUBJECT: MANMOHAN REVEALS SUGAR PLANS

1.     Ambassador to New Delhi met with Prime Minister (PM) Manmohan Singh for tea and to discuss issues pertaining to bilateral issues with the United States. Topics on the agenda included Pakistan and how to best neutralize terrorist threat emanating from there.

2.     PM Singh revealed recent Indian plans to bring into play a massive ‘sugar crisis’ as he called it. Having heard from multiple sources that fundamentalist clerics are also known as ‘halwaais’ (confectioners), PM Singh was of the opinion that striking at the heart of these halwaais was necessary.

3.     Ambassador acceded to his demand and proceeded to place a few hasty calls to Ambassador to Islamabad. Requests included: stock up on sugar, don’t offer more than one cube to guests, and do not indulge in unnecessary baking.

DATE: 2010-02-10

SOURCE: Embassy Islamabad

SUBJECT: ZARDARI AND GILLANI SQUABBLE

1.     Ambassador to Islamabad met with President Asif Ali Zardari and Prime Minister (PM) Yousuf Raza Gillani to discuss energy generation plans for Pakistan.

2.     Zardari started by saying that energy was plentiful in Pakistan but had to be directed to the Presidency’s basement where he keeps enormous quantities of beer chilled. PM Gillani interjected exclaiming the necessity for electricity at the Prime Minister house where his direct phone line to Sonia Gandhi was being compromised.

3.     Zardari informed Gillani that Sonia Gandhi was unimportant and he could not fall asleep unless he had a good buzz going. Gillani protested with what amounted to a loud whimper.

4.     PM Gillani left early after which Zardari alluded to the possibility of a secret relationship between PM Gillani and Sonia Gandhi. He proceeded to hand me the dossier detailing his latest work for Mossad.

DATE: 2010-06-01

SOURCE: Embassy Tel Aviv

SUBJECT: ZAID HAMID ANNOYANCE

1.     Ambassador to Tel Aviv met with Defence Minister (DM) Ehud Barak to discuss the fallout from the Gaza Flotilla raid. Topics of conversation were: fallout from raid, and the role of Zaid Hamid.

2.     Ehud Barak claimed that the Zaid Hamid had become a constant thorn in his side and he had begun to suffer from sleepless nights due to his very truthful television programs.

3.     Barak at one point in the meeting yelled “DAMN IT! I thought we had this entire conspiracy under wraps. How did this man learn all our details?” Ambassador replied with assuring tones to tell him all was not lost. Liberal bloggers on the Mossad pay roll were ensuring that some disinformation could be spread. Ehud Barak responded with a sneer and said, “Liberal bloggers in Pakistan aren’t worth shit. I’m not paying those bastards any longer.”

4.     Discussed the fate of Zionist Hindus in India. Barak cheered up for a little while informing me of long held Indian plan of welcoming the savior in Jerusalem. Despondency soon followed as he flipped to Pakistani channel ONE to see Zaid Hamid and his red cap.

—————————————————————————

Read Cafe Pyala’s latest post to understand what this post is in reference to. And, yes, they really are that dumb.

Hat tip to @bluerickshaw for inspiring the post with his Twitter hashtag.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. Shahid permalink
    December 9, 2010 6:50 pm

    Best post ever. Zaid Hamid one had me laughing crazy.

  2. December 9, 2010 6:55 pm

    hahahaha LOL at the zaid hamid one.

  3. December 9, 2010 7:01 pm

    ❤ the liberal bloggers comment.

  4. December 9, 2010 7:45 pm

    Awesome post man! Despite all the hatemongers in your country, you and people like you manage to keep up the good sense, good spirit and good humor. Hats off!

    Aniket
    Hyderabad, India.

    • December 9, 2010 7:51 pm

      Wow. That wasn’t patronizing at all.

      • Indian permalink
        December 10, 2010 5:44 am

        “Wow. That wasn’t patronizing at all.”
        This was actually funny🙂

      • May 16, 2011 8:00 pm

        It wasn’t, you know.

  5. Rabia permalink
    December 9, 2010 11:39 pm

    haha! brilliant

  6. December 10, 2010 3:07 am

    Excellent.

  7. Shemrez Nauman Afzal permalink
    December 19, 2010 1:35 am

    Craaaaazzyyyyy

  8. May 10, 2011 2:26 am

    Yes keep sleeping… be liberal, endorse the imperial culture swallow it.
    One day, when the sun rises from the west you will learn the consequences.

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