How To Be a Mohib-e-Watan, Kamran Khan ke Saath
In what must come as the greatest shock to anyone reading this blog, Salmaan Taseer is not exactly the favourite person of the Pakistani mainstream media. Recently, Kamran Khan ran a segment on his show highlighting the Governor’s Twitter stream. In the wake of the Wikileaks US Embassy cables reveal, particularly the revelations of Saudi King Abdullah’s remarks regarding Asif Zardari and his urging the United States to bomb Iran, Salmaan Taseer took to Twitter to post his riposte.
Kamran Khan, part of the brigade that defines Pakistan’s boundaries (moral, political, physical, all of them), was incensed at the Governor’s tweets. He dedicated the first segment of his show to these tweets and to remind us what is acceptable and what exactly isn’t. Embedded somewhere deep down in his show were valid arguments (for e.g. what exactly is the Governor of the Punjab doing commenting on issues pertaining to foreign policy in a public forum? How does the foreign office feel about this? etc, etc) However, this was all tossed aside for the sake of sensationalism.
A few choice moments follow:
The show begins with:
“That which has never happened in the history of Pakistan seems to be about to happen. Pakistan seems hell bent on destroying its relationship with its best Islamic ally that has stood by it through thick and thin – Saudi Arabia.”
Nooooo Kamran!! DON’T DO IT! Don’t offend Turkey, Iran, the UAE, Kuwait, THE TALIBAN!! Come on now, how do you think they’d feel if they saw your show? Let’s not play favourites. Offending foreign countries should just be the Governor’s job. Not yours.
“This process [of the decaying relationship] was accelerated by the Wikileaks reveal and particularly by the comments made by the Saudi King regarding Asif Zardari. Comments were also made by the UAE regarding Asif Zardari and Nawaz Sharif, the British government regarding Asif Zardari, and US officials too.”
Wait, Kamran. So are we back to the ‘Wikileaks is the gospel truth’ today? Oh this doesn’t have anything to do with the army. Gotcha.
“But the government has adopted some very strange behavior since this reveal, and the target of this behavior is Saudi Arabia and the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques, King Abdullah. Governor Salmaan Taseer has taken to his Twitter account, which he uses to communicate with friends and supporters, to make some very serious allegations regarding the King.”
I thought the government was entirely incompetent, Kamran. Now they’re able to stage smear campaigns within a few hours? What’s your next segment about? Oh okay, government incompetence on the RGST.
Yaar Kamran. Marvaao ge. Cheenion ko shakal kaisay dekhayen ge ab.
“These very serious words have been used against Saudi Arabia and the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques – who has an esteemed position in the Islamic world.”
Kamran, shouldn’t the President of the ‘ONLY ISLAMIC NUCLEAR POWER RAAAAH!™’ also be considered a rather esteemed position? Oh right, of course. He’s only human. He should be criticized.
“It should be noted that relations between Pakistan and Saudi Arabia have been very strained for the past two years. They have never been as strained in Pakistan’s 63 year history as they are today.”
I used to think it took two to tango, but as Kamran let me know, sometimes diplomacy is a one-way street when it involves infallible angels on the other end. They have wings. No need for fucking streets.
“Furthermore, for the past two years neither the President nor the Prime Minister has gone for Hajj or Umrah.”
I don’t even…
“These statements by a government official are undoubtedly going to be hurtful to the 180 million Pakistanis that love Saudi Arabia and its leadership.”
Kamran emailed me the source of this information. It’s Ansar Abbasi.
“What can the effect of this very serious development be on our relationship with Saudi Arabia?”
I’ve got to hand it to you Kamran. It makes so much sense to broadcast information (previously limited to 4,800 Twitter followers) that you think will be damaging to Pakistan to millions of viewers across the world. Mohib-e-Watan!