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I <3 Ansar Abbasi

November 22, 2010

Seriously. I do. How can you not love the human embodiment of Velveteen Rabbit? ADORABLE!

He’s also a wonderful investigative journalist, and has the magical ability of being both source and writer at the same time. This is a talent that most investigative journalists in the world would die for. I can just smell Rauf Klasra’s skin singeing from envy at the thought of Ansar Abbasi’s gifts.

Ansar Abbasi has decided that enough is enough and something must be done, once and for all, about the scourge of Fashion Week in Pakistan. All believers know that this is the only problem plaguing our society today. Now that we’ve rid ourselves of the Christian threat (blasphemy, what?), the Ahmadi threat (attacks on their mosques, w00t!), and the Indian threat (nukes, bitches!), all that’s left for us to deal with is Fashion Week.

In a column he penned for Jang, Ansar Abbasi has come out fully in support of Islam and entirely against the evils of skin. He has implored our opposition to come to the rescue of Islam.

“Imran Khan!” he asks, “where are you?” Oh Ansar, I feel your pain.

“Chaudhry Nisar!” he laments, “how could you?” For true, Ansar, for true. How could he?

“Munawwar Hassan!” he cries, “et tu, Brute?” I, too, am most upset at Munawwar Hassan. The Jamaat is no longer what it once was. It rails against Ahmadis, Americans, and Indians. Not attacking Fashion Week must mean that you’re going soft.

I, too, am scared for my children growing up in a culture where they can readily switch the television on and be forced to come face to face with a NAVEL. How will I ever explain to them what a shoulder is? The mere sight of an elbow might cause them to go down a dangerous path of drugs and alcohol. And breasts. My dear lord, breasts! Those tools of the devil. God didn’t create breasts, Satan added them to Eve once she was banished from Eden. Prior to that she was flat as a board.

I, too, demand that Chief Justice Iftikhar Chaudhry take immediate suo moto notice of this vulgarity. I demand it be removed from Pakistan before it engulfs all our strategic assets, and the Taliban begin to worry more about this season’s turbans than their piety.

And Karachi? KARACHI? As Ansar says, you’re an educated city. WHERE ARE THE PEACFUL PROTESTS? Why are you not going on a million man march to protest fashion week? Are you scared of the Taliban? They are our brothers. Dying at their hands is a mercy God bestows upon a small but quickly growing number. Unlike these fashion people. Their peaceful promotion of chiffon and organza is an affront to our society. We are a khaddar wearing people. Never forget.

Appendix: Check out Café Pyala and Tazeen’s far superior posts on the article. Also, if you can read Urdu here’s the original article.

17 Comments leave one →
  1. Excelsior permalink
    November 22, 2010 7:03 pm

    God didn’t create breasts, Satan added them to Eve once she was banished from Eden. Prior to that she was flat as a board.

    I am definitely going to hell.

  2. @MariaNadeem permalink
    November 22, 2010 7:17 pm

    LOL, win^ and great post. I spit my chai at the “NAVEL” bit. Thanks.

  3. November 22, 2010 8:03 pm

    This was hilarious. AA is a douche.

  4. jaferii permalink
    November 22, 2010 8:16 pm

    Brilliant.

    for 0.001% of Pakistan.

    probably controversial enough to be blasphemous for a larger number i am afraid.

    do you feel that there can ever be a liberal fairly open minded non hypocrite majority amongst our educated people? in maybe a lifetime? i need that question answered. i cannot bear to watch this country fall because its right wing flies too close to the sun.

    i understand the need for a few hundred liberals to rant online today, but i cannot bear to think that they will rant online to a stagnant number of fellows for the rest of their lives. i do not know. i just do not know.

  5. Angelos permalink
    November 23, 2010 12:29 pm

    @Kala Kawa
    I have read the AA article, can you come with any incident/quote from life of Prophet (PBUH), Four Caliphs or Sahaba where they would have supported fashion week or related stuff? Or is it the usual claim of being liberal but forgetting the very principles of this society and culture?

    • November 23, 2010 12:47 pm

      Well, no, I can’t. Although I have heard (including from an Islamiyat teacher in 9th grade) that Hazrat Usman was quite fond of fine clothing. That’s somewhat fashion week related, no?

      I think that you fundamentally misunderstand what ‘liberal’ really is. I am certainly not advocating for anyone to forget the principles of ‘this society and culture’. Far from it. I’d like for people to be able to do what they want to do, as long as it doesn’t cause physical harm to others. If someone, such as Ansar Abbasi, wishes to be extremely religious, I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is his wanting everyone in Pakistan to adhere to the limits that he has set for himself or his family.

      As I said earlier, I can’t really refer to an incident from the lives of the Prophet, the Caliphs, or the Sahaba. What I do know though is that ‘There is no compulsion in Islam.’ Last I checked, the Quran trumps all.

      • Angelos permalink
        November 23, 2010 1:51 pm

        Fashion Week in question here is not what Hazrat Usman would ever be fond of. That ‘fond of fine clothing’ is entirely different or I rather say with in the rules prescribed by Islam.

        “‘I’d like for people to be able to do what they want to do, as long as it doesn’t cause physical harm to others. ” That theory of yours is flawed. As a matter of fact, the arguments I am going to come up against your theory would be flawed too, thanks to my knowledge regarding this aspect. And dont come up with common-sense-thing, it is not as simple and you can trust me here.

        “There is no compulsion in Islam”. Indeed it is written in Quran but you are referring it out of context. I suggest you go through the details of this verse and then see for yourself. It is not fair to quote anything from Quran for one’s sake of argument without understanding the conditions in which it was revealed. A clear cut example is violence against women, honor killings and suicide bombings associated with Islam by propagandists by quoting out of context verses of Quran.

  6. Am1rA2h3R permalink
    November 23, 2010 5:41 pm

    As far the theory of “No compulsion” and “freedom to do whatever you wish and want to do” are concerned, one must also bear in mind the basic principle attached with these theories i.e. both the theories can only be exercised in a closed place so that others don’t get offended of ur actions and stupidity. As far as ur liberalism is concerned, (Jafferi) rightly pointed out that your blog is only for the satisfaction of mere 0.001% of liberals of Pakistanis whereas Ansar Abbasi’s served the masses. the most stupid thing to note is ur comparison of the saying of Hazrat Usman (AS) regarding fine clothing with the minimal clothings of Fashion week. Pathetic and Ridiculous.

    • November 23, 2010 6:19 pm

      First, everyone needs to untwist their panties over my saying that Hazrat Usman liked fine clothes. It was a throwaway comment, meant to not be taken seriously. Obviously, his appreciation for fine clothes does not equate to a fashion show. Please stop taking everything so seriously.

      Second, I absolutely agree that what I write appeals to probably a minuscule percentage of the Pakistani population. It won’t stop me from writing it, and it apparently won’t stop you from reading it. I’m not here to change the world – just to shout about how I feel.

      Much love.

    • November 23, 2010 6:54 pm

      Also, the bit about doing as you please needs to only happen in enclosed space is patently false. Unless you’re going by the General Zia version of ‘Do Whatever The Hell You Want To Within Your Chaadar and Chaar Dewari.”

    • jaferii permalink
      November 24, 2010 12:07 am

      oi goof. aamir a2 whats it. i agree with the kawa. i agree in completion. do not quote me out of context.

      i wish there was tolerance. i wish there were less of you and more of this kawa character. i wish that people would scream thoughts like this from their rooftops.

      i hate fashion week. i think it is elitist pompous and ignorant. but i respect their right to do whatever they want to. i will not stand for some pseudo amir ul momeeneen that is ansar abbasi chatting shit.

      @kalakawa: my point was not to make you feel like you were a minor player. it was to wonder whether people like you would ever become major players. wonder with a sense of hope, not with cynicism.

  7. sherry permalink
    November 23, 2010 10:56 pm

    EXCELLENT!!!!!!! AA can preach all the Islam that he wants but fortunately or unfortunately we’ve been taught in our schools wat he’s trying to preach here. Every Muslim already knows wat he’s trying to add to our knowledge. My point is its not like a porn show out there, just a harmless fashion show organised by the money NOT paid by anyone who objects to it, and in this case, AA and his advocates. As for the skin show, well throw the telly out of your houses, bar newspapers and magazines at homes, dont let your kids out of the houses … coz this ‘skin show’ aint goin anywhere .. you dont like it, DEAL WITH IT YOURSELF. Live and let live. Peace!

  8. Abdullah permalink
    November 24, 2010 6:47 am

    this is ending up mocking aspects of deen

    fear Allah

    • November 24, 2010 12:22 pm

      Nothing in hear mocks ‘Deen’ as you put it, it mocks Ansar Abbasi’s narrow understanding of it.

  9. Salma Ayub permalink
    November 24, 2010 2:03 pm

    Ansar Abbasi was the first one to malign Chief Justice Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry… Watch Capital Talk 12 Nov 2008 for evidence. The JUI Senator Dr. Soomro asks Ansar Abbasi in this program:
    “Tell me, whether your earlier report about the corruption of the Chief Justice was true? or whether your current stance in support of the Chief Justice is true?”.
    Did Ansar Abbasi have an answer?
    No. He is a shameless blackmailer.
    In 2006, Abbasi released a news report alleging Chief Justice Iftikhar M. Chaudhry of corruption and nepotism (in regards to appointment of his son as an ASP).
    Listen to Voice of America’s Program ‘Round Table’ (13 March 2007) in which Ansar Abbasi admits that he filed the news report about the corruption of the Chief Justice. You can find an audio link to the radio program on the following website. Skip to Minute 22:30 and listen to Ansar Abbasi’s admission:
    “pakistaniat.com/2007/03/13/pakistan-wasi-zafar-voice-america-interview-news-ansar-abassi-law-minister-supreme-court/”
    However, since Abbasi’s agenda is larger than that, i.e. to support Taliban and Al-Qaeda, he later on decided to side with the Chief Justice, when in 2007 Chief Justice was suspended by General Musharraf. Abbasi’s main aim was not to support the Chief Justice but to criticize Musharraf because Musharraf was at that time a thorn in the side of the Taliban and their supporters.

  10. Sac permalink
    November 25, 2010 10:54 pm

    “God didn’t create breasts, Satan added them to Eve once she was banished from Eden. Prior to that she was flat as a board.”

    Hahaha…you forgot to mention the penis he removed too.

    By the way, 33:59 is what you guys are looking for. Choose whichever translation/interpretation that fits your respective pre-existing moralities.

  11. Anwar Khan permalink
    February 18, 2011 7:52 am

    Ansar Abbasi is the biggest blackmiller of pakistani media.

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