Oh, Ali Azmat
Raise your hand if you loved Junoon. You know the band that made great music, sometimes borrowing Sufi poetry for lyrics? Weren’t they good?
Now raise your hand if you liked Ali Azmat. He of the long curly locks and exemplary vocals. Wasn’t he good?
Now, raise your hand if you ever wanted a member from a music group, known more for his hair than his brain to ever dabble in political analysis? No? Right.
Unfortunately, for all involved, Ali Azmat has decided that a cursory glance at the Bilderberg Group’s Wikipedia entry is reason enough for him to pontificate endlessly. The crazy he spouts makes the Jamaat-e-Islami look like the world’s greatest logicians and makes me want to watch hours of Hamid Mir to remove its memory.
Ali Azmat, please shut the fuck up.
We know, we know. You’re tight with Zaid Hamid. He’s brilliant right? The greatest mind of our times in Pakistan? Unveiling endless covert threats to Pakistan on the basis of his thorough review of The Arrivals and Zeitgeist documentaries on YouTube, Zaid Hamid is indeed a legend. Perched atop a mountain of bullshit so high it makes cows everywhere blush for their digestive shortcomings, Zaid Hamid is a legend. I’m glad that his cynical plan of self promotion is working so well, since you are the highest profile dropping on which Zaid Hamid rests his behind.
So, Ali Azmat, please shut the fuck up.
Really, Ali Azmat, seeing you on that Dawn News show with Aasim Sajjad was painful. You are inexplicably stupid. You make Imran Khan look like a neuroscientist and George W. Bush could probably run circles around in the SAT’s critical reading portion. To illustrate, allow me to reproduce a conversation you had:
Ali Azmat: “My areas of expertise – on which I’ve done a lot of research (read: have watched many YouTube videos on) – are the New World Order, Military Complex, Bilderberg Group, UN (WTF?). And I always keep an eye out for these things.”
Aasim Sajjad: “So you’re against the Military Complex? Even though you support military intervention in Pakistan? Don’t you think they have a massive complex?”
Ali Azmat: “WOULD YOU RATHER VOTE FOR THE INDIAN ARMY OR THE PAKISTAN ARMY?”
Me: Ali Azmat, please shut the fuck up.
Ali Azmat, you are not a political analyst. You shoud not be a political analyst. In fact, you make all the idiots in Pakistan, who decide one fine day that they are political / constitutional / defence / culture analysts, look really really good.
You can barely string an argument together without looking like the veins in your neck are about to pop out. You can’t answer a simple question because you want everyone to know that you know about the New World Order. You really, really, want to hate on democracy by using Musharraf (FFS!) as your counterpoint. You want people to believe that you have something valid to say when Zaid Hamid says the same shit, says it better, and honestly is far more entertaining than you are now.
Most insulting of all though, you want to claim that having grown up with a Suzuki car and one air conditioner in your house makes your representative of Pakistan’s poor. Ali Azmat, more than 30% of Pakistan’s people live below the poverty line. Your Suzuki and one air conditioner would be positively decadent for them.
So, Ali Azmat, please, please, shut the fuck up.