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Introducing the A-Team

March 17, 2010

Since I’m going to spend the majority of this blog talking about things pertaining to Pakistan and her politics, it is important to get to know the true arbiters of Pakistani politics. The talk show hosts. At the end of the day, these are the people who end up feeding information to us painted (tainted?) with their own views.

Without further ado, The A-Team.

Hamid Mir

Political Bent: Anything anti-American

Likes: Editorializing, being victorious

Dislikes: Asif Zardari, anyone in the Pakistan People’s Party not Yousuf Raza Gillani

Dr. Shahid Masood

Political Bent: Self-preservation

Likes: End of days prophecies, making shit up, Hameed Gul

Dislikes: Facts

Nusrat Javed

Political Bent: Left of center

Likes: Not much it seems

Dislikes: His idiot co-anchor, with a passion

Mushtaq Minhas

Political Bent: Anyone putting women in burqas

Likes: Nawaz Sharif, Shahbaz Sharif, Hamza Shahbaz Sharif, Daddy Sharif, Kulsoom Nawaz Sharif, the list goes on…

Dislikes: His co-anchor, changing hairstyles

Talat Hussain

Political Bent: Self importance

Likes: Appearing very important

Dislikes: EVERYONE (save himself)

Naseem Zehra

Political Bent: Kinda, sorta, left of center, wait, no, right, wait…

Likes: Hanging with the big boys, Shutting down PML-N weaklings

Dislikes: Her very yellow television studio

Asma Chaudhry

Political Bent: ALL OVER THE PLACE

Likes: Naseem Zehra’s 8 pm slot

Dislikes: Her own time slot

Najam Sethi

Political Bent: Pinko, Hindu lover

Likes: Listening to himself

Dislikes: Having guests on his show

Zaid Hamid

Political Bent: ISI

Likes: Self aggrandizement, hate speech, bullshit, crocodile tears

Dislikes: The truth

Shireen Mazari

Political Bent: ISI

Likes: Self aggrandizement, hate speech, bullshit, hairspray

Dislikes: The truth

Javed Chaudry

Political Bent: Jamaat-e-Islami

Likes: Spending 10 minutes of his alloted 40 minutes telling stories unrelated to his show’s subject matter, Firdaus Ashiq Awan

Dislikes: Liberal fascist extremist traitor swine

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the A-Team. I might be missing some people, but I think I’ve covered most of the big boys.

Coming up soon, the personalities that spend 5 hours a week in the studios / newspaper offices of the A Team.

17 Comments leave one →
  1. March 19, 2010 12:38 am

    This was pretty spot on.

  2. March 19, 2010 2:47 pm

    Mubasher Lucman!….The more crass and loud version of Talat Hussain

    • March 28, 2010 1:32 am

      yeah,that’s the glaring miss….but i don’t mind..the less of him the better.

  3. March 19, 2010 10:38 pm

    sniff sniff… the sad reality bites – no english language anchor makes it, which is fair enough

    • March 19, 2010 10:58 pm

      I wanted to include Saima Mohsin, but didn’t her show get canceled in favour of Dawn’s new Urdu transmission? I could be wrong though.

  4. March 20, 2010 1:35 am

    Hamid Mirs picture is the best

  5. Rabia permalink
    March 29, 2010 4:43 am

    is it just me or do these folks all have fox news equivalents:

    talat hussain – bill o’reilly
    bolta pakistan – hannity & colmes
    hamid mir – geraldo rivera
    javed chaudhry – jonathan morris (the fox news contributor catholic priest)
    shahid masood – glenn beck

    • March 29, 2010 10:03 am

      Yea, I see it.

      and to continue the theme:

      Naseem Zehra – Greta Van Susteren

  6. Jalal permalink
    April 3, 2010 10:07 pm

    kudos..great work!zaid hamid’s was a bit too off the hook!
    include saleem safi!

  7. Natasha permalink
    April 11, 2010 7:16 pm

    Okay I like some people there youve mocked at but still… *LOL*

  8. sana permalink
    April 12, 2010 12:34 am

    haha, this was hilarious.

    can you do kashif abbasi, asma shirazi, the fat, balding guy with glasses (he’s kind a impartial?), and kamran shahid?

  9. April 12, 2010 10:32 pm

    Effin’ brilliant man. First off, how did you categorise these guys without your head hurting?

    Second, is Hasba-e-Haal our answer to Jon Stewart? God I hope not…

    It’s like Dhaaba talk moving into some seth’s private study…

    But anyway if you categorise the B Team talk shows – Imtiazi Sanads all around!

  10. daanish permalink
    May 13, 2010 4:41 pm

    Pretty uch all of the “big”wigs
    What about Mr. Kamran I-veil-my-ideological-comentary-as- an- impartial-roundup Khan?

    @tlw: Hasbehaal as an answer to Jon Stewart…..Insane…It capitalises on the use of local vernacular, a very nautanki like albiet accesible sensibility but you have to literally strain your brain to find any sort substantive critique in there….Given the mind-numbingly tortuous workings of our media, you would have expected the relatively independent media to have internally developed a counter to its own self-congratulatory pompousness and to satirise the idiocy that abounds….
    Guess we’ll have to wait for that Media Messiah who calls the A-team and the B-team on their crap.

  11. Buzzy permalink
    June 23, 2010 7:44 am

    Mubashar Lucman has an office in my building.. Sadly i too work in this building.. He is as obnoxious and odious in real life as he is on tv, and i see his face all too often for anyones liking.

  12. Omer Khan permalink
    March 22, 2011 11:47 am

    Kamran Khan and Mehr Bokhari?

  13. Omer Khan permalink
    March 22, 2011 11:50 am

    And how come Nusrat Javed is ‘Left’ of centre?? I doubt if he even drives on the left side of the road.

  14. June 19, 2011 1:58 pm


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